Both
fixing and enhancing are needed to grow. Both work together
- we cannot properly enhance something which is broken and fixing
is
not
required
when
we just want
to get better at something. We must apply the correct tools to each
requirement, after determining what is actually needed.
For
example, if you burn the top of a cake while baking it, trying
to enhance it
by covering it with icing will not resolve the burnt part and
will be an ineffective enhancement - everyone will notice it is
burnt
once they bite into it. Far better would be to fix the
cake by cutting away the burnt part and then enhance it
with the icing.
Often
we need to fix, then we enhance
until we find ourselves blocked and then we fix again, so we can
once again enhance. This
is part of being human.
For
example, let's say that you have some trouble with getting people
to respect your wishes in certain situations. Every time someone
asks you to do something that is beyond what you consider reasonable,
inside
you
get upset,
but outwardly you agree with them. Some might say you need
to establish proper boundaries, and that would
be correct, but more than
likely, it would be the second thing to do, not the first.
When
we attempt to make sudden changes in how we relate to others,
without
first
determining and fixing whatever is driving us to that
situation, it often results in new problems,
not solutions.
It is not uncommon for people to let their feelings about the
original problem build up inside and then explode in a manner
which
does not improve things for them or the others involved.
A
more resourceful first step would be to identify how
you feel when people make what you consider to be excessive demands.
You'd
watch
yourself
in the next situation of that type and notice (and maybe even
write down as soon as you could) all the indicators
of that experience for you: what emotion(s), feeling(s), thought(s),
memories, bodily
sensation(s)
and image(s) surfaced for you at that time. You'd pay special attention
to your total experience of that moment and then you'd be
ready to
fix
anything
that needed fixing. Not all indicators need to be fixed, but it
is likely some will - those that cause discomfort of some nature.
If
in these situations you found yourself getting a tight belly and
having a feeling of being out of control, for example, you'd notice
these sensations and then fix each
one in turn. So long as the fixing method you use is long-lasting,
you'd be in
a better place to advance. These indicators might be manifestations
of some underlying issues around
self-worth or self-esteem or some form of internal
resistance.
Whatever they are, once these get fixed, you are then able to calmly
and
coolly
plan
your
actions
with regards
to
your
boundaries.
The
next time this situation occurs, you'd check to see if those
same indicators
appeared or if new ones appeared. Once you had fixed all the
indicators which do not contribute to your successful outcome in
that situation,
you'd be ready to
confidently establish your boundaries without going overboard.
You'd also be able to start increasing your self confidence, as
those issues of self-esteem would not be sabotaging you. an example
of this
If upon
reading this text you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, then it
is likely that you need to
fix something (self-esteem, belief system, etc.). Until you do,
it might be hard to advance with this sort of work. Accepting your
humanness and working with it is not about feeling that you are defective
or wrong
or responsible for all the problems you encounter in like or notions
like that.
The
nice thing is that modern research shows us that the old paradigm
of
having to spend years of hard work, revisiting time and again
the same old issues is pretty much obsolete. Using one or more
of the hybrid healing systems can bring about rapid and deep
healing.
Your responsibility
is to
- accept
that you are human
- accept
that you can do something about some things
- decide
if you want to learn more about how to have a better life
- decide
if you want to act upon this knowledge.
|
